God Made Me Brave
Storyteller: Beth Wright
Writer: Melissa Applebee
Fearful. Anxious. Controlling.
“I controlled and planned every detail of my life and was left overwhelmed and unsatisfied. Instead of me controlling my fear, my fear was controlling me.”
Beth, a young wife and now mother, lived in constant turmoil from her anxiety. On the outside, she looked fine, happy and put-together. Masking her hurting and anxious heart, she went through her day-to-day life. Her friends and community believed that she was good, even thriving. But time and time again, at home, she would crumble and her husband would hold her, picking her up as she cried.
And then, her grandpa was diagnosed with lung cancer. He passed away after a short two months. The weight of this loss, coupled with the fear and anxiety, left sweet Beth a mess.
“During this time I prayed, but not very specifically, because when you are fearful you don’t feel worthy of much and I didn’t feel worthy of God.
Beth was always aware of God. She believed in Him and, going through the motions of religion, she prayed. But those prayers came from routine, from her head, and not from her heart.
Nevertheless, God was working in Beth, beckoning her hurting heart towards Himself.
A good friend invited Beth to a Bible study, where they read, “What Happens When Women Walk in Faith” by Lysa Terkeurst. Her eyes were opened. Excitedly, and expectantly, Beth prayed more and more, and now, she prayed specific and intentional prayers straight from her heart.
An amazing thing happened- God answered those little prayers. In the weeks to come, Beth saw God working in her life and her heart through those prayers. God taught Beth to trust Him with not only the little things, but even with huge things. Moving 3,000 miles away from home. Starting to volunteer at CrossPoint. Joining a CrossPoint group by herself. Having another baby. And now, moving back again to the Midwest.
Following Jesus is an adventure. He has bigger and crazier dreams and plans for us than we could ever expect. It just takes the faith to trust Him.
“I am completely changed. I mean, I am still me. I still have normal fears and anxiety, but I’m not affected in the same way. I’m brave.”
A joyful smile creeping up on her lips, Beth says that fear doesn’t control her now; her fear doesn’t tell her what she can’t do. God gave her freedom.
“I no longer have the weight of the whole world on my shoulders. I take comfort in the fact that God can handle anything and He does it better than I could ever imagine, in ways I cannot fathom. The old me would have read that and not understood how I could put my trust into something that wasn’t physically tangible, something that I didn’t have all the answers to. But I have felt so much from God, had so many answered prayers, so many miracles, so many real feelings, that there’s no way He’s not tangible.”